The First Time I Felt Insecure

 

Four years ago, I was the most innocent girl you could imagine. I grew up in a small town, where life was simple, and I was blissfully unaware of the complexities that the world had to offer. Back then, I thought I had everything figured out, and I honestly believed I was the "don" of my own little world. Little did I know that my innocence would soon be shattered as I stepped into a bigger, unfamiliar reality.

It all started when I moved to Dehradun for college. At 19, I was away from home for the first time, surrounded by new faces, new experiences, and new emotions. It was a fresh start, and I met so many amazing people along the way. I thought I had a good grasp on life—until I met love.

Until then, love had been a simple idea in my head. I didn’t know about jealousy, insecurities, or doubts. All I knew was the pure feeling of affection, the excitement of new experiences, and the warmth of someone’s presence. I thought love was just love—nothing complicated.

But then, something happened that would forever change the way I viewed myself and relationships. The guy I had started to fall for, the one I thought was my world, began admiring someone else. At first, I took it lightly. I thought, "Okay, it’s normal to compliment others, no big deal." I shrugged it off. But soon, that small compliment turned into something much bigger, something that started to poison my thoughts.

He became friends with a girl I also considered my friend, and that's when the insecurity began to creep in. I couldn’t help but think that maybe there was more to his admiration than just a friendly compliment. My other friends started talking, speculating about how maybe he was attracted to her. And even though I told myself, "No, that’s not true. He likes me," something inside me began to shift.

I started comparing myself to her in every possible way. She had everything I thought a man would want—she came from a good family, had a beautiful body, a pretty face, and a jolly nature. She knew how to make friends easily, while I was still learning to find my place in this new world. I felt like I didn’t stand a chance. The more I thought about it, the more insecure I became. It was like a slow poison, filling my mind with self-doubt.

I was just 19, and this was the first time I truly felt the weight of insecurity. I had never experienced anything like it before, and it hit me hard. I wasn’t used to feeling inadequate. I didn’t know how to deal with these emotions. I was just trying to live my life, and suddenly, it felt like my confidence was slipping away.

Even now, I can’t fully get over that feeling. I don’t want to be insecure, but it’s something that stays with me, lodged in the back of my mind. I still try to remind myself that no one is perfect, and that love is about more than just appearances or superficial things. But sometimes, that nagging feeling creeps back in, and I wonder, "Am I enough?"

That experience taught me a lot about myself. It showed me that insecurity isn’t something you can just ignore or wish away. It’s a part of human nature, something that can sneak up on you when you least expect it. But I also learned that it’s something you can work on, something that you can overcome with time and self-awareness.

As I reflect on that moment, I realize how far I’ve come. I’m not the same innocent girl I was four years ago, but I’ve grown. I’ve learned that love is complicated, that people aren’t perfect, and that sometimes, our biggest obstacles are the ones we create in our own minds. But more than anything, I’ve learned that I’m enough, just as I am.

insecurities may never completely disappear, but I now know that they don’t define me. Love chose me, and I chose love over these insecurities. I am still learning to let go of things and the lingering doubts in my mind, but each day, I move closer to embracing the love I deserve and letting go of the insecurities that once controlled me. That, in itself, is a lesson worth holding on to.